At age 27, I learned something very important to know about myself. I learned that I had been unsuccessfully trying to control everything and everyone in my life to fit my personal plan. A plan now motivated by selfish urges and self medication, supported by selfish habits. This was a scary thing to discover and to confront with myself when it should have been something so obvious to see. I was very delusional for a long time.
I have not completely stopped being selfish, but I have learned so many ways to be more selfless. I still like to be in control, but I have learned a lot of about acceptance and adaptability. It took a lot of effort and time to change the way I think and act. I’ve learned to remind myself of a few things regularly...
⁃ it’s not about me. I am a part of something bigger and more beautiful, if I choose to be.
⁃ Work on the areas you are in control over. Things out of your control should be left alone and prayed for, meditated on, released.
⁃ Don’t try to change people.
It’s ok to mess up and it’s important to apologize. The only real apology is changed behavior.